Srinagar, May 25: In a deeply reflective conversation with Voice of Kashmir, Advocate Shahzada Saleem, a well-known legal expert practicing in the District Courts of Srinagar and the Jammu & Kashmir High Court, spoke at length about the rising tide of family disputes that, despite being born out of minor misunderstandings or emotional manipulation, tragically end up in courtrooms.
Drawing from years of experience, Advocate Saleem highlighted how many marital disputes today are not rooted in criminal behavior or serious misconduct, but rather in ego clashes, miscommunication, and unchecked interference from within the family itself—particularly by siblings.
“Most homes don’t break because of big problems,” Advocate Saleem reflected, “they break because small problems are allowed to grow unchecked.”
A large number of cases, he explained, originate from a pattern that is disturbingly common: married sisters returning to their parental homes and speaking negatively about their brothers or their wives. Over time, these seemingly harmless conversations evolve into damaging narratives that poison the minds of elderly parents.
This constant feeding of suspicion and complaint, he noted, creates a deeply biased environment. Parents, often out of love and blind trust, start believing these narratives without verification. In doing so, they unintentionally turn against their own son and his wife. Rather than acting as mature, stabilizing influences in the household, they become emotionally reactive and begin to impose harsh judgments.
“When parents lose neutrality, families lose direction,” he said firmly. “Justice in a home is just as important as justice in a court.”
In many cases, the daughter-in-law is unfairly blamed for things she neither said nor did. The home, instead of being a haven, becomes a space of emotional suffocation and targeted hostility.
This kind of biased behavior often leads to emotional trauma within the marriage. Women are humiliated, blamed, and sometimes even threatened with eviction. Phrases like “Yeh tumhara ghar nahi hai”, or “Hum apne bete ki doosri shaadi kar denge” become part of everyday conversations—words that carry the weight of deep cruelty and long-lasting scars.
In such households, the son is often left torn between two roles: that of a loyal son and a responsible husband. Caught in this emotional tug of war, many men retreat into silence or helplessness, unable to take a firm stand for either side. What begins as an internal family matter slowly deteriorates into an emotionally charged legal dispute, consuming time, peace, and relationships.
“We have turned our homes into courtrooms and our families into opposing parties,” Advocate Saleem remarked with concern. “And the tragedy is, no one wins.”
He lamented the reality that so many families wait too long before taking a step back to reflect. By the time these matters reach the courtroom, the damage is already done. Trust is lost. Dialogue has been replaced with accusations. Children suffer in the process. Reputations are ruined. And most painfully, bonds once filled with love are replaced with bitterness.
Advocate Saleem strongly advocates for early intervention and mature communication. He believes that parents must remain neutral and objective, especially when presented with complaints about their children’s marital lives. One-sided trust and emotional bias, no matter how unintentional, can destabilize an entire family. Siblings, too, must respect boundaries.
“Being a sister doesn’t give one the right to sabotage a brother’s marriage. Advice should build—not break.”
He emphasized the importance of the husband’s role in maintaining harmony. A man must not become a mute spectator when his wife is mistreated. Protecting her dignity while balancing family relationships is not just a moral responsibility—it is an act of justice.
“Silence in the face of injustice within a home,” he said, “isn’t loyalty—it’s cowardice.”
In cases where things escalate beyond resolution, Advocate Saleem recommends family counselling over litigation. Courts should be the last resort. He emphasized that the Indian Constitution, which protect personal liberty and dignity, extend fully to women within the household, including daughters-in-law. No individual has the right to emotionally or verbally abuse someone in the name of tradition or family honor.
To add further moral context, he referenced sacred teachings from both Islamic and Hindu traditions that underscore family harmony and the sanctity of justice.
From the Holy Qur’an, he recalled:
“O you who believe! Stand out firmly for justice, as witnesses to Allah, even though it be against yourselves, your parents, or your relatives…”
(Surah An-Nisa, 4:135)
“And live with them in kindness…” (Surah An-Nisa, 4:19) — a commandment to men regarding their wives, stressing respect and compassion in marriage.
From Hindu scriptures, he cited a powerful verse from the Manusmriti:
“Yatra nāryastu pūjyante ramante tatra devatāḥ”
(Manusmriti 3.56) — “Where women are honored, there the gods rejoice.”
And the Bhagavad Gita (Chapter 16, Verse 2) reminds us of the virtues of non-violence, truthfulness, and absence of anger, all of which are essential in sustaining peaceful family life.
His parting message was both powerful and thought-provoking:
“The solution to most family problems isn’t found in a courtroom—it’s found in a conversation.”
“Before dragging each other to court, ask yourself: have we tried understanding more than blaming?”
While Concluding Adv Saleem said, insights offer a sobering reminder that most family disputes don’t begin with crime—they begin with silence, bias, and unchecked interference. And while law exists to protect, peace can only return when families begin to value truth over ego, fairness over favoritism, and empathy over entitlement.
“Let your home be a sanctuary,” he concluded, “not a place where love dies and law takes over.”
